I’m sure I’m not the only one here, but the older I get, the more I start thinking what the heck I’ve actually done with my life? Have I achieved anything I’m especially proud of? What have I learned and what would I have done differently? Is there anything I regret doing or not doing? Am I older or wiser, or just older? Often when I think that way, I’m saying to myself: “If I would have had a mentor who would have guided me, I would be in a much better place today.” Does anybody else feel that way? Let’s look at this situation from another angle: if I would be a mentor to my 21-year old self, what sort of advice would I have given? Keep reading to find out.
#1 Study more and party less.
This is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of my 21-year-old self! In my twenties, I liked going out to the clubs so much, that at one point I thought I have a problem. At that time in my life, there was nothing better than to dress up and pre-drink with my girlfriends, and go and party until 4am. Looking back, I have to tell you it was an amazing time and I wouldn’t change anything about it, except one thing: don’t forget you still need to study (and in my case, also work and train). Until today, I regret that I did absolute minimum in school to get through it, and therefore, trying to make up for it by educating myself whenever I have a chance now.
👈 This photo has been taken in my friend’s dorm before going out (Dresden, Germany, ca. 2004). I had just arrived from my hitchhiking trip through Spain, France and Germany. Last stop before my flight back to Estonia.
#2 You need to work hard to achieve something.
I think my brain wasn’t completely developed by age 21, because somehow, I naïvely thought that I would get lucky and there would be a prince on a white horse crossing my path one day who will take care of me (emotionally and financially) for rest of my life. I don’t know how I could have thought that way, because I come from a family where my parents worked equally hard and I’ve been independent and working since I was 19, so I blame Hollywood movies for that 😇. But without a joke, whether it’s being good at school, getting a great job, exceling in sports or having a successful entrepreneurial career – this all needs a tremendous amount of dedication, time and work. Even if you are born talented, but don’t put any work in to develop your skills, there will be another thousand talented competitors who are willing to put the work in and are happy to take your place.
#3 You can do anything but not everything. Learn how to choose.
This is something I struggle with until today. There are so many choices out there today starting with picking a college major or a career, what hobby to invest in, where to live, the list is endless! I personally have lots of interests and it is extremely hard for me to choose, but I’ve learned how to accept that you cannot do everything at once. Nobody can. My personal thought: if your idea doesn’t seem to be able to generate any income, let it be a hobby, not a career choice. It doesn’t mean it cannot be turned into a profitable career one day, but whatever you choose to be your primary activity, you need to get paid for the work you put in. Follow your heart, but be wise and realistic while making decisions.
#4 Read (more).
I don’t think this portion needs much of an explanation. I know it is sometimes extremely challenging to pick up a book and read especially when you are tired from a long day, but I personally have gotten my best ideas out of books. So pick your favorite genre and start reading 15-30 minutes a day for starters. I dare to say it is a life-changing habit.
#5 Stay focused.
If you have determined what you want to achieve, do not allow distractions or setbacks to stop you. Most likely, your path will never be smooth, so be prepared for the rocks and holes along the way. Being able to stay focused is one characteristic that is common for all successful people I know personally.
#6 Preparation is everything.
This is something I learned hard way. In my early twenties, I was dying to get a job in a PR firm, so I applied as an assistant there. During the interview, I got asked what newspapers I read and who makes up the coalition in our country. I was clueless! It was completely embarrassing. I had not prepared for this interview at all even though it was a great opportunity. Today, I would never go to any interview or a work meeting without preparing beforehand at least for a bit. I believe that you don’t need to be smartest or most experienced person, but if you’ve done your homework, you will have a chance to succeed.
#7 Don’t be afraid of taking risks and making mistakes.
Another wisdom that is easier said than done. Lack of self-confidence can lead us missing out the greatest opportunities that come to our way. E.g., I personally have potentially missed out on some career opportunities, because I thought I am not good enough. People have asked me to submit my resumes, but I convinced myself that I’m not qualified enough to apply. Now I would tell everyone: let the hiring folks make that decision if you are qualified enough or not, don’t sabotage your own chances. Same thing with dating: at one point I was so insecure about going out with some guys that I ignored their messages even though I liked the guy! How logical is that?
#8 Don’t regret.
What’s done, is done, life goes on. Instead of replaying failures and embarrassing moments in your head over and over 15 years later doesn’t add any value to your life – and does exactly the opposite. Try to learn from it, but stop beating yourself up about it.
#9 Don’t compare yourself, you don’t need to fit in at all times.
You will never be able to please everyone anyway.
#10 Nobody is responsible making you happy, this is on you!
So, don’t wait around hoping to find the One, land a better paying job, lose weight, etc. Self-validation comes from within, not from external sources. You are enough and if you think you need to change some of the habits to make yourself feel better, start doing it NOW taking rather smaller steps.
I hope you enjoyed this read and perhaps can associate with some of the things I’ve listed here. Now when the post is ready, I actually realize that this advice is not only meant for 21-year old self, but can also serve as a reminder list for an adult-Liis!
Light and live,
Liis
meenus see- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI&ab_channel=SarahJorino
ajakirjas küsiti inimestelt, nõuandeid eluks ja vastustest kir artikkel ja tehti selline lugu 🙂
J.
Tänan jagamast! Ma ei teadnud seda lugu ja pean nentima, et see on geniaalne 👍😀
These are VERY wise and helpful suggestions! If only it would be easy to learn from someome else’s mistakes! 🙂 I wish someone would have stressed to the young me the importance of self care, mental and physical healt as well as introduced mindfulness and meditation as tools to maintain all that. But then again, I am pretty sure the young scmuck that I was would still not have cared of any of that, so no harm done, lol! I guess sometimes it is necessary to do all the srupid stuff, be done with it, no regrets, learn from it and grow into someone stronger, compared to someone who didn’t make any mistakes and lived in the comfort zone.
Absolutely agree! In my opinion doing stupid stuff, “mistakes” and “failures” are necessary in order to grow as a person. How else we would learn? That makes me think what my 60-year old self would tell me now? 🤔🙊 Maybe an idea for another post 😆