Welcome to this dedicated post celebrating the upcoming vacation season! 🏝
“Where do you meet the unhappiest people in the world?” – this was an intriguing question I heard last year at a prominent self-development festival in Germany. Initially, my thoughts gravitated towards regions lacking basic necessities like water, food, and fundamental human rights because can it get any worse than that? But as with every thought-provoking question, I tried to think outside the box. Recalling studies highlighting the dissatisfaction in some of the wealthiest countries, I tentatively shifted my answer to the United States. However, this was not the direction the coach on the stage was going in.
“Vacation destinations! Have you seen the people in vacation destinations walking around with dead faces?” the presenter announced dramatically. “Mm, not really,” I was once again thinking to myself since I didn’t have anyone to share my thoughts with. However, I had to admit that vacation time, or even weekends, is indeed when I start doubting my life choices. And I know I am not alone. You know what I mean if you are miserable on Sunday evenings 😉. Give us some time off, so we can zoom out and look at the bigger picture of our lives from a distance, and often we discover how unhappy we are. Mainly not due to a specific choice but rather to the endless hamster-in-a-wheel lifestyle. 🐹 🎡 How did we end up like this?
Osho writes in his book Courage, The Joy of Living Dangerously, that people are generally afraid of being alone since, without others around, we do not know who we are! Perhaps you have heard this famous quote by American sociologist Charles Horton Cooley: “I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am.” – a perfectly summarized paradox. For example, a friend asks you why you look sad, so you start thinking of all the possible reasons to feel low even though you were perhaps sunken into your thoughts. And then some colleagues at work comment that you look so happy, so this must mean I AM happy!
I once attended an acting class in NYC when we needed to comment on each other’s body language, and somebody said I was smiling. The acting teacher, who was just incredible, commented afterward: “How do you know she is smiling? Look how her hair is pulled back tightly, creating a lift in her face and pulling her muscles up. Are you sure she is smiling?” In my opinion, I had a pretty neutral facial expression at this moment, and I definitely didn’t express any specific emotion (at least not consciously :)). See how easily people misread each other?
So, the truth is that only YOU know how you feel and nobody else, so do not let anyone influence and manipulate you!
Coming back to Osho’s book, he says we love to surround ourselves with other people, jump into action or distract ourselves otherwise whenever there is a moment of alone time. How often do we say, “I wish I would finally have time to relax!”? But when this time comes, we do not know what to do with ourselves, and even worse, we cannot tolerate sitting still. I remember one of my colleagues told me years ago she finally had a day for herself at home with no work and family away, and she got super anxious. Isn’t it wild? Or is it? If I run 30 minutes at my full speed and suddenly stop, I get dizzy. A healthy way here would be to do a warmup and a cool down before coming to the full stop. So, why would it be different for a fast-paced lifestyle?
How can we get in touch with ourselves as it seems to be the core challenge and an ultimate base to start building up the truest and desired life? The answer is not shocking: Osho recommends meditation (he also calls it beautifully “a courage to be alone in quiet”). The whole point here is to get to know yourself more and tune in to see who you are after peeling off all the labels and layers you have been given since birth. Sitting by yourself in silence takes some willpower (who has ever tried meditation KNOWS how challenging it is to sit still, sometimes even for 10 minutes! Read more about my 40-day meditation challenger here). But if you can sit through this discomfort, change will start happening. Transformation happens on the other side!If I can make one recommendation here, it is to stay patient and have zero expectations. Just observe. Besides meditation, I also like journaling, yoga, and nature walks, even though some might consider these activities to interrupt my quiet time. 🧘♀️
Is alone time challenging for you, or do you enjoy it? How do you get in touch with yourself?
Light & love 💫,
Liis