How many people are out there who have created stories in their heads and replay them repeatedly without testing these stories out in reality?
E.g., you may think you are not ready to start dating because your body is not fit enough, but what is your evidence? Have you gone out on dates and gotten critics that your body is too big or too small? Another example: I am not good enough YET to get a promotion. Mm, have you applied and gotten rejected with respective feedback, or is this the story you tell yourself? Everyone else seems so much more competent and skilled, getting promotions or new jobs, only you are the exception who is not (which is a possible little white lie you are telling yourself because you may fear what will happen if you finally put yourself out there).
Here is my personal example: it took me YEARS to go live with this website and blog. I had an idea and structure for theLiist in mind for a while, but I was afraid to write and sound stupid, basic, etc., so I got overwhelmed and stressed each time and continued to put it on hold. The idea ended up sitting back in my head, causing me to feel guilty 24/7 because I couldn’t move forward, and neither was I able to let this idea go.
When I finally went live, I poured tons of time and effort into posts, trying to make them best as I could. Initially, I let others review my drafts because I was so uncertain about how I would sound.
The feedback I got for improvement was very valid and highly appreciated, but the QUESTION IS: what would have happened if I wouldn’t have got this feedback from others? Would imperfect grammar and long wordy posts have changed the blog fundamentally?
I suspect the answer is: it would not have made any difference. I have never heard a comment back that the blog is so poorly written that nobody understands, or my suggestions are incorrect. And the funniest part: a good portion of the recommendations I have received, I NEVER implemented. Do you hear how absurd it sounds? 😀 It seems I told myself a story for YEARS (and to be 100% honest, I am still telling myself sometimes today) that turned out to be incorrect.
Basically, none of the things I feared came alive. Of course, this website has a lot of room for improvement; however, for some reason, the things somebody external would most likely point out today were none of MY original FEARS, as I see my website from a completely different perspective as the reader.
So, what is my suggestion for rewriting a story in your head? Ask yourself:
- What is the story you are telling yourself? What are you telling yourself about certain events, concerns, about yourself?
- Is this story true? What evidence do you have?
- Have you ever overcome this story (even for a moment)? When and how did you do it? How did it feel?
- With the awareness you have now, what can you do in the next 24 hours to start rewriting the story in your head? (Experiment finding evidence that would challenge the story you have told yourself).
I hope this post was helpful, and as always, I look forward to any feedback in the comments!
Light & love,
Liis 🤍