I’ve always been a person who is highly cautious when it comes to love and relationships. So, to be honest, not many things surprise me anymore—especially after experiencing NYC dating scene. But, OF COURSE, the moment you let your guard down for a second, life has another freaking surprise in store.
At the beginning of this year, I was in a wonderful new and exciting relationship with a great guy. It seemed it is going to be a beautiful year (coming from a huge skeptic like me, this truly means something). Even though I had known him for only a couple of months, everything seemed going to the right direction. Our communication was great: there were no games and no bullshit. We always had a good time when we were together, and it seemed that we both inspired each other. Really, the relationship was almost effortless in a good sense. Naturally, I set some couples goals for us and we were both excited making some memories together in the upcoming year. I almost started thinking what’s wrong with this situation because nothing appeared to be wrong!
It seemed that we are still going strong when I received a very sweet note from him on the Valentine’s Day, but when I broke my knee the week after (which left me practically immobile for months), everything CHANGED.
Long story short: 5 days after my accident and one week before my surgery, my ex told me I cannot stay at his place any longer, however, he would still help me out with errands as I wasn’t able to move. To my shock and surprise, he didn’t keep his word and didn’t come to help or see me a single time. To be exact, I didn’t even receive a phone call when I was in the hospital after my major surgery. I was completely shocked, especially considering the fact that he KNEW that I don’t have any family or close friends in the town where I live. HE was my closest person I had in Germany.
I must say that I have never once felt as betrayed as I felt when I was recovering from my surgery. This is the time when one needs emotional and physical support the most, and what did I get? I basically got ghosted instead. I’ve gone through some very tough times in my life in the past, but this time, I experienced desperation and vulnerability on a completely new level. People were asking if I have any post-surgery pains, but I only felt heartache, disappointment and rage.
OK, let’s stop whining now and move on.
Clearly, my life was upside down and my romantic plans were blown up, so what came as next? I couldn’t go on a weekend getaway or a short trip what I would typically do, because I was chained to my apartment for 3-4 months at least. So, how did I crawl out of this shit hole after my fairytale relationship turned into a nightmare?
I don’t know about your post-breakup routine, but here is what I did:
- As a very first step, I wanted to have a clean break. So, we agreed to have a final meeting when I was back home. Was it awkward and hurtful? Hell yeah. But was it needed? 100% YES.
- I got rid of all the items that reminded me of my ex.
- I wrote him a 3-page goodbye letter because this is the way I communicate best and sent it over via email. I immediately started feeling better.
- I am really bad at keeping my emotions to myself, so I was constantly calling or texting with the army of my girlfriends – I am so, so grateful for having them by my side!!
- I tried to keep myself busy and occupy my mind:
- I focused on my health, which was not a hard thing to do considering my broken knee. As I was still immobile, I couldn’t work out, but I did as much physical exercise as possible.
- Even though I was on a sick leave, I tried working from home here and there.
- I read and listened to tons of podcasts and audiobooks. Not necessarily self-help stuff, but also comedy and just different page-turners.
- I worked on my website/blog that I consider as my hobby.
- In the most vulnerable stages, I even wrote a couple of songs (if you can call them that – I am not a musician :)). So, basically, any creative activity can help improve your mood and mind!
- I ate whatever I wanted. Chocolate galore.
- I let myself cry whenever I wanted – private or public – I didn’t care.
- I reinstalled Tinder and Bumble 2-3 months after our break-up. Even though I wasn’t ready to date mentally or physically in May or June, it was still nice to see what’s out there.
In conclusion, it took me approximately 6 months to fully recover from my heartache and betrayal. I am definitely noticing cute guys again and don’t automatically think all men are pigs, but at the same time my guard is up to a top level. In a funny way, I am thankful for this experience, because it has matured me and made me completely rethink my dating strategy. As the situation didn’t kill me, it indeed made me stronger.
If you want to hear more about my dating and relationship experiences, just stay tuned and subscribe! I promise there are more interesting details to come!
Light and love,
Liis