Today I would like to introduce you to a simple and fun experiment that can bring you closer to achieving any goal. In solution-focused brief coaching, it is called “pretending experiment,” in psychology, it is known as “acting as if” or “faking it till you make it.” I personally associate this concept also with method acting, as the actors need to identify with, understand, and experience their character. Of course, you can come up with your own name for this experiment, but they all serve the same purpose in the big picture. 😊
If you are no stranger to self-development topic, you probably know that the ultimate goal of goal setting is often not necessarily about crossing off a specific item on your list and forgetting about it but rather about changing certain habits and growing as a person. For this to be permanent, you need an identity level change. That is why we often ask in coaching sessions, “WHO do you need to be to hit the goal?”
E.g., if you want to get a promotion at work, what kind of person do you need to be/become to convince your superiors that you deserve this promotion? Do you need to be more confident, speak up more, network better, or maybe you must improve specific technical skills? The pretending experiment is nothing more than starting to act as if you already are the person who has gotten the promotion (or whatever goal you have set for yourself).
For starters, ask yourself questions like: How does the morning routine look like for this person? What would she eat? What would she wear? How would she move? How would she speak? How would she schedule her calendar? What tasks would she do throughout the day? How would she think? Once you have figured that out, do your best to start acting that way. Of course, it would be extremely challenging to make a massive change overnight and start acting like a new version of yourself 24/7, but try it out for a few hours and then maybe for a day. In addition, the slow change is recommended, so you would have enough time to observe valuable differences between the “old” and “new” you. Observe how you feel, what you learn, how this affects your daily routine, how others act around you, etc. I recommend jotting down the changes you notice, e.g., in a journal or your phone notes. If you have a coach, take these changes to your session and reflect on them.
If picturing this new character is too abstract, find a role model who is already “there” or has already done it and who you can look up to (if possible, even mentor you?). It can be somebody you know personally, or perhaps somebody famous you admire and follow, or it could be a fictional character as well. I have many such “idols” who I follow. E.g., I admire Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen not only because she is gorgeous but because of her outlook on life, holistic lifestyle, work ethic, and career.
I also look up to so many of my friends. E.g., if I have lots of anxiety, I always think of my most calm and level-headed friend and ask, “what would she do/say?” Since I know her well and have seen her in different situations, it’s pretty easy to do that. Likewise, when I think of my finances and career, I turn to a friend who’s successful in both fields but doesn’t have a risky approach that also fits me.
It is also helpful to have role models not only from different areas of expertise but with different years of experience in the field. E.g., As I am currently driving for a coaching career, I follow some really fantastic coaches on social media. When I listen to a coach like Brook Castillo or psychotherapist Esther Perel, they are undoubtedly impressive and inspiring, but also lightyears away from where I am today. Therefore, I find it very useful to follow coaches and therapists who have been in the business for approximately 3-5 years – I can relate to their learnings, struggles, and successes much easier.
In short: if in doubt, ask, what would your role model do? We all have people we envy in the best possible way, and there is no shame in trying to act a bit more like them.
How does this sound? Are you ready to experiment? 😊
Light & love,
Liis