Last week I managed to sleep through my alarm like for the third time in my life (so yes, this never happens). Another night I laid sleeplessly in bed, tossing and turning until 2.30 am. On average, it takes me a good hour and a half to fall asleep these days. Some evenings my heart is pounding, making me think the worst, and in the mornings, I tend to wake up with an adrenaline rush, but I am exhausted by early afternoon. With my body sending me such clear signals, I cannot deny that something is off. But what?
This year, my calendar is fuller than ever with taking 3 courses simultaneously (whaaat I was thinking? Do not recommend!), trying to work out 3x times a week, cooking healthy, clean food, doing household chores, keeping at least some socializing going on, and of course my full-time job. Is this challenging? Yes! But I LOVE that after several months I finally feel like I am making most of my time, following my plans, and not wasting a moment in my day.
After all the planning and productivity tips I have gathered over the years, I thought I had finally managed to prepare a perfect schedule, but apparently not. So where did I go wrong now, and how can I fix it quickly?
As I have always been leaning toward overscheduling and overachieving, I wanted to make sure that this time I have enough time for each activity as well as for the good night’s rest that I have always prioritized. However, it seems that I have overlooked one significant aspect that might seem minor in the first place, but the truth is it will either make or break me. I forgot how much time I need to wind down before bed. It might come as a surprise for those who can work until 10 pm, close their laptop, brush their teeth, and fall asleep the next minute, but unfortunately, I can only dream of being one of these people who can turn off their thoughts like a light switch.
According to a quick Google research, wind time should be between 30 minutes and 2 hours (the more, the better, obviously). How the heck do I need 3-4 hours to slow down my brain activity?
I guess winding down can mean different things to different people, but overall it is time to relax (ideally without any screens), giving the brain the time to slow down. So, working late or having emotional discussions before bed should be avoided. Same with intense workouts, video games, social media, eating & drinking late.
E.g., when I went to a dance class 6x a week in my early twenties, the training often finished at 9.15 pm, and these evenings I could fall asleep only at 1 am. Today I am smart enough not to do any sports after 7 pm unless it is yoga or some stretching class, but I am still struggling to finish working (or studying) at 6-7 pm if something needs to get done. The incident I mentioned at the beginning of this post, where I didn’t fall asleep until 2.30 am last week, was actually caused by me writing another blog post until 10.30 pm. So what am I planning to do about it moving forward, and how can I stay sustainably productive? Let’s start with the learnings…
What did I learn from the past 3 weeks?
- Wind-down time is highly individual, and only YOU know how much of it you need. If you don’t, observe yourself for a few weeks. It doesn’t have to cost you much energy; just notice the patterns.
- If you start a new activity or trying to build a new habit, try your best to begin with one thing at a time. Do not underestimate the time and effort that this new activity requires. Most likely, your schedule was already full before, so adding a new to-do on top of the full calendar means that you either do less or give up on something else.
- If you absolutely have to start several new activities at once (like me), decide which one is the most important as you probably don’t have the time and energy to do everything perfectly. E.g. right now, I am taking 3 courses simultaneously, and I have decided which one is my priority. I know which one I choose if I have 1 hour in the evening rather than trying to study a bit of everything.
How am I planning to improve the situation?
- As I already am aware of the situation, the next step is acceptance: I acknowledge that I need at least 3-4 hours for winding down, even if that means being less productive at first glance. In the long run, however, it probably will turn out to be the opposite, as experts say that doing less gives us more time to focus on essential things that will eventually bring us much further.
- I am adding a 3–4-hour time block for winding down time to my calendar. The main reason I have developed sleeping issues within the past weeks is due to ignoring my basic needs. I am not happy to admit that I am the person who needs 3-4 hours to wind down, but this is who I am today, and if I want to get a good night’s sleep and feel refreshed in the morning, I have to accept this.
- I will have some relaxing activities ready to fill those 3 – 4 hours in the evening.
Here are some examples of the activities I love to do before bed:
- I know screens are not recommended, but sorry, I will definitely watch some of my favorite shows as this is what I love to do, and I think 45 minutes of Netflix at 7 pm will not affect my sleep. I try to avoid scrolling through social media at 10 pm, though.
- Gentle yoga (or yin yoga) and a short meditation. This helped me a lot last year when after finding out something that shook me to the core, I developed a real issue falling asleep. 15-20 minute evening yoga made a massive difference. Tip: I have gotten into lighting a candle and burning some sage or palo santo sticks before yoga. I find it a really nice ritual that sets the mood. Here is one evening yoga video that I like a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSSC9X_6wo4
- Evening walk
- Listening smooth music
- A warm bath and a facial massage (here is one that for lifting the face 😉): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ocjy3HfVAGw)
- Reading a book (currently listening on Audible “Wrong Place, Wrong Time” by Gillian McAllister and currently read “The Master and Margarita” by Mikhail Bulgakov)
- Doing some household chores (as a bonus, you have a clean house in the morning!)
- Playing a board game
- Socializing or giving a call to a friend
- I don’t have any pets, but I can imagine playing with a pet would be a great winding down activity.
Have you ever struggled with the same? What is your favorite wind-down activity before going to bed?
Light & love,
Liis
You are so inspiring, girl! Thank you for sharing your experience. Also, as the monks say – meditate right before going to sleep and you are guaranteed to sleep like a baby. I can vouch for that too! 😉
Meditation before sleep is great! I am curious: for how long do you recommend to meditate before going to bed? And.. Do you have a video or app recommendation? I am always up to trying something new! 🙂
I agree entire with this also for waking up. I now automatically wake up very early. It’s hormonal and what my body wants. So, I go to bed early.
In my case I need a lot of time for myself in the morning. And I noticed a difference. I have 3 hours of ME time and they are not all “productive”. I think we should be careful with too much productivity as this can actually disconnect us from ourselves.
Ia have been loving my wake up timw that’s just for me, way before the rest of the world is up. It has become great self care.
I liked the idea pf candles and yoag at night. I’ll try it!
Thank you for sharing this, Petula! 🙏 That is awesome that you honor what your body wants! And I bet these 3 hours in the morning are giving your much unexpected inspiration and ideas 🙂
I’ve been an early bird for most of my adult life but the issue for me is that when I wake up, I immediately start working. Recently I have started thinking of pushing my work time to later hours, as I am convinced the morning time is when we set the tone for rest of the day. As one of my friends told me recently: it is much harder to “turn off” than to “log in” 🙂